How do I know if my friend is being abused?
Have you seen evidence of injuries? 
Have you accepted her explanations for her black eyes, bruises or broken bones? 
Does she miss work frequently? 
Does her partner show an unusual amount of control over her life? 
Have you noticed changes in her or her children's behavior? 
Does her partner embarrass or ridicule her in public? 
Does her partner blame her for the way he acts or the things he says? 

•	Knowing that someone you care about is being hurt by her partner is frustrating and frightening. It often reminds us of our own past or on-going problems; and it is important for you to remember to take care of yourself. Below are some suggestions about what you can do, as a friend, to help someone who is being battered. 
•	Believe your friend. She is probably telling you less than what really happened. 
•	Don't blame her for the abuse. She is not responsible for being abused and does not deserve to be abused. Remember that it is difficult to leave an abusive relationship. 
•	She needs to tell her story in her own time and at her own pace. Listen to her and let her know you care about her and that she is not alone. Take the time to talk with her privately and ask about suspicious bruises or fights that you know about. 
•	Validate her feelings. Abuse is awful, scary, embarrassing and hurtful. Feeling "crazy," afraid and helpless are a very natural reaction to a terrible situation. 
•	Help her make safety plans. Help her find a safe place to go, or a place to store money and important documents. Let her use your phone if she needs to make calls. Agree to call the police when needed. If necessary, designate a code word that she can use to indicate the need for you to call the police. Take care of her children if she asks you to, and you feel you can. 
•	Assault is a crime. If you suspect that abuse is occurring, call 911. 
•	Don't tell anyone else what she has told you about being abused. The abuser may hurt her if he hears rumors that she is telling people. Do not confront the abuser using information she has shared with you, unless she gives you permission. 
•	If it is safe to, make strong statements against violence in your social circles. A battered woman who hears these statements may be encouraged to find help. 

•	 Educate Yourself 
You will most likely become frustrated unless you understand the dynamics of domestic violence. The pages listed in the domestic violence index give helpful information about the patterns of abuse, characteristics of abused women, examples of verbal, emotional, and financial abuse. You will not be able to help a battered person unless you are well informed.   
•	Listen to her 
Let her know that you care and are willing to listen without trying to extract information she is not ready or willing to share. Take her concerns, feelings, and fears seriously; never discount or minimize them. Never blame her for the situation; help her to realize that everyone is accountable for their own actions and that nothing she may have said or done deserves or excuses abuse of any kind. Battering is never an appropriate response to any situation.   
•	Let her make her own decisions. 
It is empowering to know that someone trusts your judgment and believes in your ability to find solutions to the problem. Trust her to make the right choices for herself. Tell her you respect her courage and her determination.   
•	Encourage and help her develop a safety plan. 
Agree with her concerns for her safety as well as that of her children. Offer your assistance in developing a plan that may even include you. Help her look ahead to a plan of action should the abuser become violent again. Suggest that she have an "escape bag" somewhere which might include an extra set of car keys, ID documents, birth certificates, insurance cards, etc. in case she needs them.    
•	Encourage her to break the isolation. 
One of the most effective "tools" for abusers is the isolation from family, friends, co-workers, church friends, or any type of support system. Assist her in finding a agency that offers counseling and support groups free of charge to the victim. Make her aware of how isolated she is.   
•	Encourage her to take threats seriously. 
Express your concern for her safety and never minimize threats made by the abuser. Remember, however, that the most dangerous time for a victim is when they decide to leave. Approximately 40% of all female homicides that occur in our country in any given year happen when a woman decides to leave. Respect her judgment as to the right time to leave. Leaving such a situation is a process, and the time must be right.   
•	Be there for her - but BE CAREFUL. 
If you make promises, make sure you are able to follow through with them. Think carefully about what you are willing and able to do to help. If you are able to make offers of assistance, do so.